It seems like Joy has been a theme in your work recently?
Yes, since about the beginning of 2008, the readings have been raising the concept of Joy more and more. Firstly, to extend an invitation to us to commit to our Joy and secondly, to provide some insight and practical suggestions about what that means and how to do it. And that order is important! Normally, we want to completely understand something before we commit to it, but I’ve learnt that permission for something needs to come before any real kind of understanding and experience of it.
Let’s explore those in order then – what does it mean to ‘commit to my Joy’?
It’s a choice to make the purpose of your existence about Joy, as opposed to making it about success, obligation, relationships, service or even growth. It’s a radical invitation because it profoundly affects how you navigate your way through the big and small choices of your life. Committing to your joy means taking the risk to live only for your joy, and knowing that only you are responsible for the realization of that.
‘Living only for my Joy’ sounds at best frivolous and at worst utterly selfish
I recognize and respect that the notion brings up huge resistance in many people – from those two perspectives and from others. That’s why I dare to call the invitation radical. If you’ll bear with me, allow me to respond to the two concerns you raise. Though I have no need to convince you of anything nor to ‘convert’ you to this way of being. It has never been spoken of as something obligatory (there is no such directive ever from divinity) and I urge you only to consider this if it rings true…and of course if it contributes to your joy!
Imagine a world where every human being took full responsibility for their own joy, never expecting that any other person or system or religion or government would do so for them. Imagine that you were taught to respect and identify your Joy and supported in your quest to bring your joy into being. Do you think there would be more creativity, production, wellness, harmony in that kind of world, or less? Is that frivolous? Do you think the ‘takers’ in our world – the ones who grab, steal and hurt – are full of Joy or empty of it? My realization has been that if you are not committing to your joy then inevitably you will have an expectation – consciously or not – that someone or something must provide you with that, whether it’s your spouse or your children or your leaders or ‘more privileged’ people – and that is selfish. Do you think it was selfish of Van Gogh to commit so passionately to creating what brought him joy, even if that wasn’t welcomed or understood at the time? Was Mozart selfish? Tiger Woods? The reason we afford these people the permission to live solely for their joy is because we can recognize their genius. If we recognized our own genius would we give ourselves the same permission?
I can get my mind around that, but what about helping others, being of service?
Service is not a replacement for Joy, it is a natural and inevitable by-product of Joy. It is impossible for you not to deeply affect the lives of other people when you are living your deepest Joy. It spills over! Firstly, because you will be bringing into the world a creation or a product or a service or a self that is high vibrational (anything created from joy or love is high vibrational) and secondly because you will be radiating energy, wellbeing, passion and playfulness, which quietly invites all whom you touch to choose the same. That is service! We do not serve others by doing for them what they can do for themselves or by trying to take care of their joy – we serve others by inviting them into their fullest selves purely because we make it seem like so much fun
I used to have a deep intention to serve the world, and as a result spent years working in NGOs and development-oriented organizations where I wasn’t having all that much fun nor being well taken care of nor using all the academic and other talents I have. Of course, it didn’t work and I got continually sick and found many other ways, too, to duck and dive out of full commitment. Not because those organizations are ‘wrong’, but because it wasn’t really, authentically, my Joy. I eventually gave up my (second) Masters degree, as well as my career in social service (of various kinds) and started to involve myself with what I really love. Now I am serving far more people than before, and I am very well rewarded for it, in all ways. That’s the kind of service that really works and is sustainable.
What are the implications of committing to my joy?
The implications are huge! Essentially, you will be navigating through your life using Joy as your compass – not service or habit or success or spiritual growth or approval or social norms. It’s not that these things are not allowed – it’s just that they should follow joy and not eclipse it. When you navigate with Joy, you will naturally be growing, naturally be of service and naturally be living a purposeful life. Not that committing to your Joy means taking the easy road – it doesn’t! Your desires are programmed in such a way as to require you to step up (your courage, your risk-taking, your surrender etc) in order to follow them. It would be worth talking about what Joy is and isn’t in another question.
Ok then – what is Joy?
The specific circumstances of Joy will change moment by moment – for example, in one context it will be joyful for you to speak up, in another it will be joyful for you to remain silent. But the essence of Joy is always the same, though difficult to describe. Joy is how you feel when you are living at the cusp of comfort and discomfort; reward and risk, success and stretch. Too much time in any of those extremities begins to move you out of alignment with Joy. Joy is when you are living in a full-blooded and uncontained way. One of the readings described the opposite of Joy as being ‘containment’.
Not sadness?
Certainly not. Joy can co-exist with sadness, grief, anger or any of the other emotions we call negative. These can exist as the waves on top of the ocean of our experience, while at the same time Joy can be the current driving it forward. For example, standing up for yourself in a relationship can cause conflict or pain, but it is also deeply joyful.
How will you know when you are moving in the direction of Joy?
From recent readings, I know that these are three of the markers, or signs, of choosing Joy: 1. You feel ALIVE 2. You feel RELIEVED 3. You feel more OPEN than before If a decision or a thought or a relationship or an opportunity increases your sense of aliveness, relief and open-ness it is aligned with Joy for you, even if it also requires you to step up your courage or your exposure or your trust. In fact if it requires you to step up these things it is definitely your Joy!
So Joy is almost like a lure into stepping up?
Exactly. By committing to living our Joy we are guaranteed both to expand in the fullest possible way and to be of enormous service at the same time. A lot of people are frustrated and disillusioned at the moment because, despite affirmations and positive visualisations, the universe has not delivered to their doorsteps exactly what they want. But that is not the point at all! Your Joy requires you to step up into a deeper, truer and fuller expression of yourself – which is what you are really doing here. One of the readings described Joy as a magic carpet. A magic carpet, as you may have noticed, never lands flat on the floor but always hovers slightly above the ground next to someone, requiring them to step up if they wish to experience the freedom and exhilaration of riding it.
Finally, if we are ready to commit to our Joy, how do we discover what it is?
This question is most usefully answered on two levels. Firstly, the biggest truth is that Joy is a choice and not a career, lifestyle, vocation or even a passion. You are not at the mercy of a particular partner or job or location or anything whatsoever to give to you Joy. You are the one who gives permission to experience Joy in any moment and it is only the stories you tell that reinforce that this particular circumstance is inherently joyful and this one is inherently not. If you are committed to living your Joy then it is your responsibility to create it in whichever way the moment makes available. For example, if a meeting is becoming nauseatingly boring, then you have a number of ways in which to respond to that. You can withdraw into fantasies of wishing you were somewhere else, you can drown yourself in coffee (or whatever is in your hipflask!) to stimulate you or you can bring into that setting the creativity, truth, fun or humour that you experience is lacking. To en-joy life means to make it joyful, not to wait until something or someone delivers it to you. Of course, when you are committed to bringing Joy into, for example, your current working environment you are likely to either vastly increase your contribution and, thus, reward or to clearly and quickly realise that the environment cannot support you, allowing you to move on far more quickly than you otherwise might have.
Yet, secondly, it is also true that you are deeply programmed with certain desires that are beyond your intellectual control and are part of the blueprint of this particular life. Having the courage (and it takes courage!) to realise, own, express and live out what you truly want is magnificently empowering. It is not as easy as it sounds to find out what you want – many adults I come across in my practice are quite far removed from their desires and it can be a truly heroic act to relocate and express them. My JoyMap process can assist with this, but if you are really committed to knowing your Joy you can simply bring this question into your daily existence as often as you can remember to: what is it that I actually want here? Asking this question in front of a menu, your wardrobe, within a conversation or at a major choice-point will slowly (and it’s ok for it to go slowly) begin to reacquaint you with the voice of your desires and begin to reveal you’re your Joy. Thank you.
©Angela Deutschmann May 2009
