A recent reading described the ‘Path of Joy’ to be one of the ways to God, or oneness. It compared this to some other paths to God such as religion, suffering or service. In the case of some of these more devotional paths, there is a clear and known set of rituals or practices to observe like prayer, fasting, studying a holy text or worshipping in a particular way. These practices become the steps and markers of the path and help the followers to navigate it. If you choose to experience oneness through the route of joy then many of those traditional rituals lose their meaning and appeal, in fact the very notion of a Path (which implies somewhere to get to) may not sit true anymore. So what are the practices or habits to cultivate if you choose Joy as your way of being?
1. The Practice of Self-Awareness (on the level of personality and beyond)
‘Above all, know thyself’ – Oracle at Delphi
Interest in activities, books, teachers and other promoters of self-awareness is at an all-time high. You need only look at the number and popularity of workshops, therapies and materials that in some way promise to help you get to know yourself to see that self-awareness as a value has become rather common. On one level, developing self-awareness can mean recognising your emotional patterns, coming to terms with your past, identifying your fears and desires, integrating painful experiences, healing your inner child, recognising your gifts or strengths, forgiving your resentments and being able to see what is truly motivating you in any moment. Modalities such as regression and family constellating also belong to this sphere of self awareness. It is vital (in the sense of being both critical and good for your well-being) to know about yourself on this level and any therapy or book or friend that reveals more of you to you is invaluable.
Yet, this is not where self-awareness ends. The work described above is all still done in the realm of personality. Psychology, and other related fields, has given us wonderful insights into personality, and how to identify, grow and even treat it. But personality is but one layer of the Self and, even if typically people presume that it is all they are, any truthful and committed enquiry will show that there is something else beyond the personality. How do we know? Because with observation and stillness you can learn to watch your personality and if that is possible, who is it that is doing the observing? I won’t hazard an existential guess at the name of that part of self that observes (some call it consciousness, others the soul) but practicing awareness, better yet practicing experience, of that part of you is essential to staying on the Path of Joy.
While getting to know your personality usually involves activity, or effort, of some sort, getting to know a deeper layer of self involves non-activity, such as the silence mentioned below but also, simply, the act of listening and observing yourself. Make some space between you and your responses, your choices, your habits and your language. Step aside for just a second to look and listen to your words, your breathing, your body, your actions. The more you train yourself to observe your personality, the more you can distance yourself from your habits and your pain and the more you begin to see that your personality, while a useful and loved element of you, is not who you are. The joy that this recognition, this gap, brings is beyond understanding (and is, by the way, the only true antidote to stress).
2. The Practice of Silence ‘
What is this life if full of care? We have no time to be still and stare’ WB Yeats
Most of us have heard about, or personally experienced, the power of stillness or meditation. Yet it remains an inconsistent practice at best, or a non-existent one at worst because it seems to be truly difficult to integrate silence into modern-day life. We have grown accustomed to high, even perpetual, amounts of noise and activity around us. That seems to be endemic of a modern, successful life. Yet so many of our answers, our peace, our purpose can only be allowed from the practice of silence. Try this practical system for integrating silence into your life the same way you have integrated brushing your teeth or putting on your seatbelt.
The first prerequisite for this practice is that you are not interrupted by anything, so it’s been suggested in the readings to do it in the bathroom, where it is quite socially acceptable to be on your own and uninterrupted for a few minutes even if you’re at work.
The second prerequisite is that you have no agenda for your silence. That means you’re not trying to empty your mind, you’re not trying to get a message, you’re not trying to de-stress or even meditate. You are simply quiet and soft. Just gently looking and listening until even those activities melt away. The moment you have an agenda, or begin trying to do or be anything, there is pressure on your system and you contract instead of what we’re after here, which is expansion.
This is an easy, un-intimidating way to do it:
Week One: 2 minutes of silence once a day (Set an alarm and do not do any more than 2 minutes)
Week Two: 4 minutes of silence twice a day
Week Three: 5 minutes of silence twice a day
It is easy to do this and so delicious that after three weeks you will be dying (so to speak) to have more and more. But start off by only doing these amounts above so that you are not put off by an unattainable, unsustainable practice.
3. The Practice of Honest and Lighthearted Sharing
‘A problem shared is a problem halved’ Unknown, English idiom
One of the observations I make time and time again in my Growth Clubs is how much lighter people are when they leave a session than when they arrive, even though very often we are working with difficult issues and demanding truths in sessions. Just the act of sharing what is going on with you at a particular moment seems to dissolve most of the fear or sadness or worry around it. I’ve seen clients laugh uproariously as they talk about their bankruptcy or their fear of being single for the rest of their lives, because when you tell someone, once again, you are making some space between you and the issue and it is usually within that space that you can see the solution or let something go.
There are two little tricks though: (1) the sharing must be deeply honest and (2) there must be some humour or laughter involved. Merely moaning about your circumstances (which is nearly always blatant or implicit blaming) with someone who will say ‘shame, shame’ or just support your blaming does not count as honest and lighthearted sharing. If you can’t think of any people with whom you can talk about yourself and your life in a raw, but light way there are plenty of groups to join, both virtual and not, which are designed to create that sort of space. As I look at my life through this lens, I realise with amazement and gratitude that these three practices have become my life, they are no longer just daily practices. If you’re committed enough to Joy then after a while it will be so for you too.
